WHEN DESTINY COLLIDES: CHAPTER THREE
After we know for sure we will be going to Dublin together, we search the Internet every weekend for an apartment. Jane’s parents insist on affordability, Sean insists on ease of transport and locality, while my mum insists on safety. Not easy pleasing so many people.
We eventually find an apartment in Grand Canal Street. It is not very far from Trinity. If there is no other choice, it is not too far to walk either. We explain to everybody how we could catch the Dart Train every day, which arrives at our closest station every ten minutes and takes about fifteen minutes to get to the centre of Dublin City. The train station is also only a five-minute walk away from Trinity. We will be central to everything – almost—and not too close to the university to incur ridiculous rent. It is an access controlled, newly built, fully furnished apartment on the second floor. We are over the moon pleased when they agree.
I am honestly feeling happy—my kind of happy. I realized a while back I would have to get used to this new empty kind of happiness. I am sure, once I get used to it, I will not even notice a difference.
Sean helps us to arrange the lease on the apartment, transferring the deposit and the first month’s rent. He arranges for the electricity and the gas to be connected. He likes to take control, and we let him.
One beautiful spring afternoon, a few days before my last day of school, I go for a ride on my horse.
While I gallop out to the boundary line of our property, I see Jared from a distance. He is walking from his gate toward his home, and he seems deep in thought. I am shocked when I recognize him, and I quickly turn the horse around, suddenly feeling panicked.
There is an unbearable knot in the pit of my stomach, threatening to choke me. I want, so badly, to stop my horse and look back, just to see him again, but I do not and gallop away. Seeing him brings back intense memories of him and the dull ache in my heart returns to its former throbbing.
I cannot believe Jane did not tell me Jared is at home, but then again, how would she know. We are all growing apart, except for Jane and me, as we make plans for our different futures. We are all scattering to the four corners of the world. I cannot believe only a year and a half ago we were all such close friends and now we see each other rarely. Connell and Sarah went off to Dublin last year already, while I was still in hospital. John and Siobhan are going to Cork at the end of summer and Aaron is leaving for America.
Will I ever get through this?
Should I go to him now that I can walk again? Would he understand? Stubbornly I decide I should not, because he never hesitated in walking away. He never gave it a second thought.